Moms With Marbles: Young Children and Nightmares

Moms With Marbles is a weekly feature where one mom from around the web shares her marbles of mommy wisdom. If you are interested in being a featured Mom With Marbles, please send an email to momsmarbles{at}hotmail{dot}com.

----------------------------------------------

Some of the most knowledgeable resources on pediatric health, practical parenting and child development from around the world have gathered to create The Triumphant Child: A Practical Guide for Raising Two, Three and Four Year Olds.

This week's Moms With Marbles post comes to us from The Triumphant Child, the blog behind the book.

-------------------------------------------

A nightmare is a distressing dream that causes at least partial waking. Children may wake scared, anxious and upset. Nightmares may start at age two and peak between ages four to six. Common themes are being chased by frightening persons (bad guys, witches, monsters etc.), or animals (lions, tigers, bears etc.). Nightmares seem to be a part of normal development and do not usually signify serious problems. They usually occur during the early hours of the morning, but each child is different.

Nightmares may be caused by:

• 
  
  The ordinary stresses of childhood—at this age children are learning to deal with a variety of strong emotions—the nightmares may act as a release of pressure for these stresses.
  


• 
  
  Watching scary TV shows or reading scary books. Even the news, heard or watched, depicts frightening themes to children. Remember, what is scary to one child may not be scary to another.
  


• 
  
  A traumatic event such as surgery or an accident.
  


• 
  
  A child with a vivid imagination.
  


• 
  
  Fever.
  

What can you do if your child has a nightmare?

• 
  
  Go to your child—comfort him by giving him a hug—use a calm, gentle voice.
  


• 
  
  Take his fears seriously. You and I know there is not a monster under the bed, but to a child recently woken with a nightmare it seems very real. You may like to check under the bed, but let the child know it is for their benefit, not because you feel there is any danger.
  


• 
  
  It may help your child to talk to you about his nightmare. Together you could think of a different and “happier” ending for the dream. Putting the nightmare into words can make it seem less powerful; changing the ending can help children to master their fears.
  


• 
  
  Stay with your child until he feels calmer. If he is particularly upset, try quietly reading a favorite book or singing a song.
  


• 
  
  The next day you could draw or role-play the nightmare with the new “happier” ending. Allowing children to play out their fears is a powerful tool.
  

To help prevent nightmares you can:

Stick to an established bedtime routine. This is a great start to helping a child feel safe. I know one father who, as part of his children’s bedtime routine, recites a little poem designed to keep away nightmares. It goes like this:

“Thank you for the day,

And for the beautiful night,

May I have good dreams,

And sleep through the night,

Thank you for the day.”

• 
  
  Monitor children’s television and books. As adults, we tend to forget that most movies depict at least one baddie. What is scary to one child may not be scary to another.
  


• 
  
  There are plenty of books you can read to your child, that address the issues of nightmares and night fears. These types of books will help children to explore and master their feelings and fears.
  


• 
  
  Having a night light, keeping the door open or sharing a room with a sibling may also help a child feel safe. If the nightmares are becoming more frequent or you feel something is not right, then seek help from your health professional.